DavidCookOfficial Fan Report of Totally Accurate Truth - Week 1
Joined: Sep 2008
Boston, MA
Sunday, September 28, 2008 - 11:00
DavidCookOfficial Fan Report of Totally Accurate Truth - Week 1
DavidCookOfficial Fan Report of Totally Accurate Truth - Week 1
While You Were Sleeping
Dear David Cook -
Hopefully, you finally took the first week off in months and had a nice long nap.
BTW, your single came out. Half the world loved it with a fiery passion and half the world thought it totally blew. So you are 50% more popular than the Wall Street bail-out plan.
You may not have had time yet to personally review the 16 million posts on the site since we caused it to melt down on Tuesday, so I have prepared an executive summary.
Fan 1: Love it! Wonderfully sung, classic anthem. Cannot wait for November.
Fan 2: David Cook's an a*hole and I hate his hair. Also, Daughtry!
Fan 3: David Cook is the most awesome chunk of protein to ever emerge from the glades of Tulsa. I know because I brought him a crippled orphan seal to sign on the tour, and not only did he, he totally hugged the seal. The he put the Sharpie up his nose. Love the single.
Fan 4: I've just submitted a graduate thesis on the profound changes in the music market and global warming that Light On has induced. David Cook has misused his sexy lace-up pants to single-handedly destroy decades of progress in energy conservation. However, it is a good single and will spank the hell out of the Billboard charts.
Fan 5: Meh.
Fan 1: Love! Fan 2: Hate! Fan 3: Seal! Fan 4: Global warming! Fan 5: Chris Cornell!
They fight. The forum blows up.
Next Week: On Your song goes on sale.
Can't wait.
xxoxoxoxoxo
kaydeecee reporting
Also, I am leaving the country immediately after posting this* so if anyone has any ire, please direct it to this guy **
* True!
** Not really!
*** Hey, that's not a seal! Whatever, it's a warm wet mammal. Close enough.
______
Please feel free to add your own Fan Report of Totally Accurate Truth below. Just make sure that, like mine, it is one hundred percent totally accurate and true.
ETA: fix to latest, slightly less offensive version
Comments for this Forum Topic
I've been laughing so hard that my eyes and nose started to water. Thank you! Needed that!
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Diana, WN #1420
(the fan previously known as davidcookaddict7)
You. Are. Awesome.
In the spirit of our glib international traveler, I will invoke the name of a former classmate, Chuck Bumpilori.
priceless
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bridget
This is great, this and the time to negotiate thread have just improved my mood 10x. Thanks!
bump
bump
Bump
Kaydeecee, I've only recently met you but already I love you. That exec summary is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Spot on and damn hilarious.
P.S. I just clicked on the link for that guy. He is probably cursing your name and sewing a voodoo doll of you. Or not. XD
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Artwork by the fabulous Jen (originalorange) ... <3
LMAO!! awesome.
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Melissa ~ Wild Rose Word Nerd #2105
LMAO! Awesome post!
For the sake of the TOTALLY! ACCURATE! TRUTH! you forgot to add this:
Fans 1,3, 4 and 5: Now bring on the album already!!!
roflmao!!!!!
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smooth seas do not turn captains into heroes...
Italy just can't know what's about to hit them. There goes my hero, watch her as she goes....
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Gingerly ~ Without music life would be a mistake ~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
*gigglesnort*
well played
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AWESOME!
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Seduced by the Dork Side \m/
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
no, seriously.
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I am sunshine_girl, and I approve this message.
OMG this post is awesome!! My sides hurt from laughing so much! Hahahaha.
We are interrupting this programming for an emergency bulletin:
Rabid Kerr dogs have infested the David Cook's 'Light On': Resistance is futile! EW.com page
http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/09/david-cook-ligh.html?cid=1322247...
We believe a zombie virus is spreading turning certain types of humans into these Kerr dogs.
An early guess is only non-fans and poser fans are susceptible. True Blue Fans seem to be unaffected.
There is still a possibiltiy being attacked and bitten by one of these zombie dogs may cause infection.
To ensure you do not become infected expert Doctor Neal Tiemann has recommended posting postive Light On and David Cook comments that do not include any comments directed at the lurking Kerr dogs. Any comments directed at them seem to stir them up to a rabid frenzy.
We will keep you posted on further developments and are returning you to normal David Cook programming.
--
~ Vicki ~
Wow, are we going to miss her while she's away! Hopefully she'll be able to get online once from Venice at least.
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Sengels aka DC4breakfast | Rockstar4evah | PotentMoment | WN# 1203 | DCO FTW!
I love your sense of humor! Thanks for sharing.
Saundra
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DAMMIT. I'm mad that I missed the slightly more offensive version.
Well done. =)
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"god, that's a sweet ass..."
I keep coming back to this to get a fix of laughter. Too much. LOL
LOOL this is so histerical!
I love fan #4, that kind of fan did made me laugh a lot these last days.
How dare you DC, to ask someone to keep the Light On?
Absolutely hilarious!!! Love it!
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BWAH! Thanks, what a way to start the day.
5:44am Manila
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Pinoy fans represent!
LMAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LMAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only us DC fans can appreciate the awesomeness of this post...LOL!
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www.myspace.com/babygurlx36
NEED OXYGEN!!!! OMFG!!!! This is classic!! I really hope he reads it. Perfect!! Can't wait to read more!!
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wn#518
My edit of earlier post...
"coworker: Isn't it awful about the financial mess this country is in?
Me: huh what financial mess?
coworker: Have you been under a rock?
Me: No, I have been dreaming about being under David Cook...
(be honest, isn't that what you meant to say??)
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Try to keep my spirits up...
kaydeecee
I love you.
Absolutely, positively love you.
Well that was just hysterical! MORE...MORE...MORE (Next time I won't be drinking any OJ while reading. It hurts when it blows through one's nose.)
Totally accurate conversation with coworker at end of week one of davidcookofficial
coworker: Isn't it awful about the financial mess this country is in?
Me: huh what financial mess?
coworker: Have you been under a rock?
Me: Have you ever heard of David Cook? Well............
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You make me fall forever With no end in sight.
sky1234 WN#3453
Wow... that was hysterical!
The Truth About LO Lyrics...
... That have been poked, picked, and prodded to a degree that is just indecent (slutty?) . Apparently we need another premature releasification of lyrics. Make haste Cook! Or sleep. Or music. Or whatever.
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Sunlizard
Laughed till I cried, you rock!!!!!!
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You make me fall forever With no end in sight.
sky1234 WN#3453
Really, it was a Lobster
not a seal.
*throws a claw at kaydeecee
--
Keri
aka Lobsters
Oooo...kaydeecee. Someday I hope to be as funny as you. In the meantime, my slightly more feeble addendum to the Fan Report. Totally accurate, of course:
Addendum to the Fan Report of Totally Accurate Truth
Item 1 - Several fans have lodged complaints regarding the fact that they believe you are shouting at them during Light On. Although attempts have been made to explain that this is a style of rock singing, employed most notably by the song-writer Chris Cornell, such attempts have been largely unsuccessful. Reactions range from "but...Little Sparrow?" to "Cornell sucks!" We are still studying the situation, however any plans to include a beautiful acoustic ballad on the CD should be moved to top priority.
Item 2 - There is some concern regarding the photography used on this site and for the single. The words "serial killer" have been used. We are not certain that everyone was laughing when they said it. This situation can be easily remedied with a smile. In fact, all of this could easily be remedied with a smile as they leave us breathless, and more importantly, speechless.
Until next week...
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~~~ Sericite ~~~