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Video Killed the Radio Star: The Light On Video Fan ReShoot

Another Fan Report of Absolutely Accurate Truth from Kaydeecee

Scene 1: David Cook Fan Hide Out
Somewhere in the USA

Some David Cook fans are gathered in front of a giant flat screen TV, watching the newly-premiered video for Cook's single, "Light On."

Fan 1: This seems to be a lost episode of Friday Night Lights.

Fan 2: Ok, it's a song about journeying and leaving, and yet, no one's going anywhere.

Fan 3: Dammit, I can't see Andy.

Fan 4: Cook looks delicious in that t-shirt, but nipple-hurting chilly. Layers, darling, layers.

Fan 5: Smacks you! Since when do we ask him to put on MORE clothes?

Fan 1: "Wires cross in my brain.'" Now he's pointing at his head. Does it hurt, sweetie?

Fan 2: "Mah brainz, let me show you them!"

Fan 3: This director has seen "Breaking Away" one too many times. Ten-speeds are just NOT that hot.

Fan 4: Director = underrated busboy. Wayne, get over it. You're a famous damn video director now. That mean jock from high school is a fat car salesman somewhere.

Fan 5: If the underrated busboy and the mean jock got together, that would be much hotter.

Fan 4: If that whole table of girls got together instead of her waiting around for the busboy, that would also be much hotter.

Fan 2: Just a spoonful of Neal, dammit. Can anyone see what guitar he's playing?

Fan 3: Is he gonna kick Cook's *ss for making him be in this lame video?

Fan 4: If the whole band started fighting and kicking each other's ass, that WOULD BE SO MUCH HOTTER.

Fan 1: Is it over? Cook is stalking away. He's pissed. Is he mad at the girl, or the busboy?

Fan 2: Maybe he never got his fries?

Fan 3: Damn, this vidsite s*cks--aggh it's autoplaying the next song. Sh*t, I got Hinder on me!"

Fans, all talking at once:

Shut up and let me watch it again!
This is the tenth time!
Do that thing with your mouth again, Cook!
I love Light On!!
I hate Light On. I like his hair though.
The first single should have been a reprise of Little Sparrow. Only metal.
You're an IDIOT. Shut up about the f***g Sparrow, already.

The fans fight. The appetizer trays are kicked over. Pints of Guinness, bacon-wrapped scallops and taquitos go flying everywhere.

Fan 1: OK, kids, STOP RIGHT NOW. We clearly have a problem here. This video!! It's just not EPIC enough to be DAVID COOK. Here we are, a group of dedicated fans, and we ourselves have like eleventy better ideas than that.

Fan 2: I know I do! "American Graffitti " meets "Dazed and Confused" with a hint of Fellini. There's a white T-bird, and a mysterious blond girl, and a tragic clown . . .

Fan 3: I was thinking along the lines of "Saving Private Ryan," only set in Iraq, with maybe a flashback to the 1920 League of Nations conference to hint at the complexities of Mesopotamian geopolitics.

Fan 4: In my view, he missed a perfect opportunity to highlight the tragic dilemma of carbon-based fuels. If he started with a melancholy montage of wind-farms and solar-cells . . .

Fan 1: Needs more truckers and missionaries!

Fan 5: Guys, guys, question! Uh . . . is it possible we're taking this all to seriously? After all, this is just some dude we saw singing on television who's trying to put out a record."

The fans pause in meaningful silence. Crickets are heard.

Together: "Naaaaah!"

Fan 1: We have to do something before Cook's career is Destroyed Forever!

Fan 2: Anyone have any money left after the last stock market plunge?

Fan 2: I warned Ben Bernanke about those volatile mortgage-backed derivatives. Luckily I still have shares in that Chinese pet food plant, so I've got some funding for us. So what's the plan?

Fan 4: OK, we shoot our own version of the video, using stand-ins for the band, and put it up on YouTube! It will be so AWESOME that RCA, out of sheer humiliation, will be forced to shoot Cook a new Light On video, using our much much better ideas!

Fan 5: I dunno . . . does life really work that way?

Fan 1: It does in my head!

Scene 2: Light On Video, Fan Reshoot

A football field at night.

As "Light On" blares from speakers, some actors dressed as soldiers strike poses reminiscent of the Iwo Jima memorial. A sobbing girl hugs a soldier goodbye as a puppy gambols naively at their feet. Behind them, a tragic clown mimes.

Just then, two drag-racing vintage Thunderbirds squeal onto the field. One flips and explodes! A pair of lovers escape the flames, and embrace, expressing fundamental insights into the fragility of life itself!

The University of Central Missouri marching band runs on to the field!

A squad of 2008 Olympic gymnasts cartwheels at the forty yard line!

Stand-ins for the DAVID COOK BAND rock out silently with their instruments, then tackle each other and begin to rip each other's clothes off!

As the pre-recorded voice of David Cook hits the final glory note of "Light On," the field lights explode in a hurricane of glass and sparks! Fireworks go off, frying an unfortunate passing seagull.

Fan 1: "Annnnnnd Cut!!!! Now THAT's what I'm talking about. David Cook, call me."

NOTES:
* Dedicated to the free-wheeling FanAngst of the DavidCookverse. RIP Xavier's Great Video Debate of 2008!

* Kaydeecee, what is your actual opinion of Light On the Video?: Would this video be better if it consisted solely of David performing, in a cool setting, with this great lighting and with a lot more shots of the Band? Sure. But then the whole premise of doing MTV style videos might start looking a little silly and the director might have to go back to working in that diner. Which would be sad. So it's all good. Oh god, I love this song. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? Watches again.

* Fan Quotes of the day:

• "Mah brainz, let me show you them" = TM sourwoodmtn
• gmgr: It’s a beautiful song filled with anxiety and desire and heartbreak and longing. The song is just much to heavy for a lightweight story about pre-teen angst while sipping on a soda.
• amaretto: For a video I supposedly don't like, I've watched it a hell of a lot of times.
• ariadne: If he was singing the Ugandan National Anthem backwards in Icelandic, I'd be happy. Because it's David.

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