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Average: 5 (2 votes)

In response to David's request to contact colleges for the Declaration Tour '09:

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 19:53 — bobs.mom
If he is only looking to play at colleges, then we could say we are from WTFU when trying to book it. lol Who wants to be Dean of WTFU?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:00 — Janus
Oh Gawd, you win (I'm not sure what, but you win). That is the funniest thing evah! I lurve you.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:02 — yaminacookie
WTFU? Not only do I have the college wear designed in my head, the mind is reeling with class courses as well as the appropriate professors.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:05 — yaminacookie
WTFU only gives out BS degrees.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:12 — yaminacookie
WTFU: Juan can teach interpretive dance; Paula - creative public speaking; Dr. Tiemann - graphic body arts.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:14 — besotted
So now we need a thread for suggestions for WTFU "merch" suggestions?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:26 — rockymountainhi
WTFU? Andrew Cook -- dialect coach for theatre department; Kyle Peek -- dean of the cosmetology school.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:31 — bobs.mom
At the prestigious WTF-U, there is only one fraternity, “I Phelta Thi” and one sorority, “Tappa Kegga Bru”.
(I'm a bad girl - I skipped choir to play here...tee hee.)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:33 — Crowgirls

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 19:53 — bobs.mom
If he is only looking to play at colleges, then we could say we are from WTFU when trying to book it. lol Who wants to be Dean of WTFU?

And posts like that are why there will never be a Florida University...

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:33 — jasmine
I know I am giddily anticipating MiTB, LL and KOTN on the Declaration Tewer that is coming to the satellite campus of WTFU, located behind RMH's house (hey, you don't need a lot of structures to teach interpretive dance and tatoo art!)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:35 — sky1234
WTFU: Andy gives a seminar on multitasking, Kyle teaches the essentials of headbanging, and Joey gives a lecture entitled "The Bass gets no respect" and Andrew is in charge of recruitment. Dave just shows up and looks pretty.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:37 — TherapyForMe
Does the benevolent dictator get to be Dean of WTFU? Are we submitting applications for that post because I would like to be considered.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:39 — yaminacookie
Of course, CJT is the mathematics department.
ETA: And our darling Heliotrope teaches Art Appreciation.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:41 — bobs.mom
WFTU actually does give out ,BA degress, but only Neal can give those out 'cause he is a Bad Ass.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:43 — yaminacookie
I can't stop - Xavier teaches a course in Homeland Security.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:44 — sky1234
I second the nominee as TFM as the dean of WTFU. Any thirds out there? Oh and I forgot Simon's lecture: "Asshats: why we rule the world"

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:46 — jasmine
David can not teach at WTFU because David makes us stoopid.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:47 — Jenney
And of course the TWoP thread is the Creative Writing Department.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:47 — bobs.mom
If it pleases the Queen, I would like to nominate T4M for Dean of WTF-U and I think she should have tenure.
ETW: I figured someone would beat me to the punch. Does anyone teach power posting at WTFU?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 20:55 — leastlikely
WTFU:
Dr. WTF - Dean of Medicine
DC - Womens Studies. Or, Romance Languages and Literature.
Jason Castro - Linguistics

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:01 — SybilTrelawney
I would like to be the General Counsel of WTF U, by the way.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:01 — sky1234
WTFU
Official Food: Bacon
Official Color: Teal
Official costume: pirate pants

Being a small school the university has combined the two departments of biology and computer technology and nicknamed it "Analog Heart"

You guys have to stop me.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:10 — jayelgee1
As for WTFU - Advanced Sex Ed and Therapy : DC. Individual hours by appointment only. Taking applications. (whew)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:16 — sky1234
I nominate Scott as the editor of the WTFU school newspaper and KDC as the poet in residence.

Guest speaker: Randy Jackson " Common vernacular of the American Musician" examples, pitchy, Dog, and awright.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:19 — bobs.mom
Scott - Would you like to be Dean of Student Services at WTFU?
Edit - sky's suggestion of editor of school newspaper is better. So who want's to be Dean of Student Services?? Me, I just what to be a Resident Director of one of the dorms - Cookie Hall perhaps, isn't that where our TwoP couches are or do we have our own dorm - TwoP Hall.

Oh, more major Cook pimpage.(Ai8 related not WTFU)

Oh, Oh, Oh, HOW CAN WE FORGET THE SCHOOL MASCOT - ,OGGY!!!!! Sorry to shout.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:22 — virtualj
Although I got an "A" in advanced billiards in college (Gordon College, Wenham, Mass) and won the Rebellious Student of the Year award, I never graduated. I'm thinkin' I might now have a decent shot at it at WTFU.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:26 — leastlikely
WTFU-
chaplain - bobs.mom
Statistics Department - FolkFan
Political Science - Robert Cavallo

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:29 — sky1234
Yaminacookie would you like to book the venue at WTFU? : )

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:40 — virtualj
I'd be happy to lead a non-credit class in Discovering Your Inner Child. Just don't ask me to teach Conflict Resolution.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:42 — sky1234
I nominate myself as the snarky secretary at the information desk that knows absolutely everything about nothing and absolutely nothing about the school.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:45 — FolkFan
QueenJ and Sasha are the marketing department. Jai has to be in the statistics department.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:46 — g4cook
A loyal lurker loves the idea of WTFU. Right now there are 1100 fans online (enough to fill a DC concert - where is WTFU? - I'm ready to go)!

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:46 — bobs.mom
sky - I think you would make a fine WTFU School Secretary. I also need to add this again, because it was in my edit and might get overlooked. Oh, Oh, Oh, HOW CAN WE FORGET THE SCHOOL MASCOT - ,OGGY!!!!! Sorry to shout." (never overlook Oggy.)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:54 — amberbear
Oh, I want to be either a cheerleader or a motivational leader of WTFU!!! (note the new signature!)
--
F@ck it, I'm going to do it anyway.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:55 — jasmine

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:46 — g4cook
A loyal lurker loves the idea of WTFU. Right now there are 1100 fans online (enough to fill a DC concert - where is WTFU? - I'm ready to go)!

Now THAT's the spirit!!!

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:00 — minstrel
Minstrel is definitely old enough to be on the faculty of this esteemed institution. She volunteers to take up the Weird Al Memorial Chair in Parody and pass these useless yet essential skills on to the students of WTFU. The 101-level course could use DCTR as a base, beginning with CBTM and Lie; 201 would tackle Axium-vintage models; 301 would cover the trickier modes of AH. Graduate-level seminars would examine the stylistic adjustments necessary to write pithy parodic paeans modeled on the work of Tiemann and Skib, with extra credit rewarded for parodizing Zac Maloy and/or Raine Maida.

i work cheap and can easily acquire the requisite shabby wardrobe. (spouse is a college professor IRL. Just sayin.)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:01 — queenjacyln
I'll happily take post in the marketing department at WTFU, it would be an honor.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:03 — Cathryn
WTF!U class list, Spring Semester

Women's studies
Emergency Internet access for women over 40
WTF is a forum and how to use it
The exploding ovary phenomenon in modern music

Psychology
Positive addictions and how to explain them to your family and friends
What to do when a man young enough to be your son steals your heart
How to retrieve your mind from the internet

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:08 — Janus
I am currently employed as a biology instructor. Perhaps WTFU needs an Anatomy/Physiology instructor. How else will we be able to locate Neal's tattoos using proper terminology?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:12 — Cathryn
Music Department
Bumper Sticker your favorite Rockstar
What to name your band, and when not to
Teasing fangirls and boys to distraction without really trying

Math department
Irrational numbers FTW
Chart yourself into oblivion
Platinum is a color

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:12 — Jen
Loving the course list for WTFU. bobs.mom, I also noticed in your earlier edit that you were requesting a Dean of Student Services. What might the requirements be for that position?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:26 — yaminacookie
I would LOVE to be on the faculty but unfortunately I failed to pass the final exam this weekend in Organizational Psychology.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:28 — bobs.mom
Jen - Director of Student Services is a position that looks out for the needs of the Student Body. It would encompass student activites (including concerts), food services, infirmary care, Residential Placement (dorm assignments), etc. I think you would make a fine Director.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:32 — kaydeecee

I spend a few hours away and you found a University without me?

What's this? A course catalog? And look, there's my name!!!

kaydeecee

Professor of Snark
Snape Chair of Esoteric Band Narrative

Courses:
"Hello" and Heidegger: Is It "Me" You're Looking For?

THH 200: "Story of Your Life": Acoustic LA Bar Gigs as Divine Narrative

Tiemann: The Seminar*
(* prerequisite: Introductory Incoherence and Bullet Judging)

Fantards and Fan Fatwahs: An Examination of Unnecessary Behavior

Office Hours: None.

Well, I'll be in the bar on Fridays at Happy Hour, does that count?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:36 — becky43078
cathryn I would like to sign up for this class
How to retrieve your mind from the internet

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:42 — Jenney
WTFU needs guests lecturers for the following topics:

Department of Psychology: Cook Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- is there any cure?
Department of Political Science: The Inevitability of World Cookification
Department of Philosophy: David Cook Phenomenon Metaphysical?
Department of Music: 1001 Ways to use the microphone
Department of Physics: Losing Faith in Gravity

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:42 — sky1234
GO OGGY'S. You guys are crackin me up.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:42 — canadianlady
Oh, oh, oh! Could I be a visiting professor for International Studies? I'd be very pleased to offer a seminar on the psychology of the Canadian woman and how to break down her natural reservation with just a KOTN.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:47 — minstrel
kaydeecee -- look, we should consider team teaching a class. Cross disciplinary models are all the rage. Just sayin.

perhaps this at the 300 level:
Prose, Parody and the Cookian Zeitgeist: Varieties of Creative Expression in the Post-Deconstructionist Fanbase

and whoever is teaching Psychology, I'd like to suggest:
The Non-Relationship Relationship: Studies in Rockstar/Fan Interaction (or Lack Thereof)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:49 — Cathryn

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:36 — becky43078
cathryn I would like to sign up for this class
How to retrieve your mind from the internet

Only one problem, I'm not sure which of us could teach this class. lol

Late additions to the curriculum:
Withholding tewer dates to build anticipation in the 21st century
How to get a rise out of your fanbase
Ways to take off your shirt and share your pain

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:51 — bobs.mom
Give me an O....O!
Give me a G....G!
Give me another G....G!
Give me a Y...Y!
What's that spell? ....OGGY!
Who's gonna win?....OGGY! Go WTFU!
(spirit fingers everyone - the ten digits wiggly kind, not the shocker one...Oh who am I kidding. At WTFU the spirit fingers are the two middle ones only. Wiggle them proudly!)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:52 — Jen
Aw, shucks, bobs.mom. Thanks. ::blushes:: I am certified for First Aid/CPR, which could come in handy after I schedule certain concerts. Food services is easy - Bacon, of course. Cheez-Its and QT Taquitoes for the concert performers. Any other requests?

Oh, and I have that BS degree. That's gotta be good for something.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:53 — Annette
WTFU is building up nicely - just saying. I have to think were I would be value add-
I would want to be on the screen team for those apps that we talked about further down posts.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:55 — leastlikely
Ohh, we have courses!!

Music Interpretration 204 (taught jointly with Human Sexuality 204)- delving into the symbolism of Let Go

Psychology 302 - the growing phenomenon of internet stalking.

Computer Science 101 - basic internet skills for the novice, including sendspace, keepvid, photobucket, MP3s, MP4s, html code, etc.

Drama 408 - usage of microphone stand and cord in a musical performance (note: This is an advanced course. The completion of prerequisite classes and permission of the instructor is required).

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:55 — minstrel
bobs.mom, i don't know if you can continue to be chaplain if you insist on wiggling those fingers in the air like that.

oh, WTH.

go for it, sister..... i mean, reverend.....

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:56 — kaydeecee

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:47 — minstrel

kaydeecee -- look, we should consider team teaching a class. Cross disciplinary models are all the rage. Just sayin.

perhaps this at the 300 level:
Prose, Parody and the Cookian Zeitgeist: Varieties of Creative Expression in the Post-Deconstructionist Fanbase

Ah yes, Fanbase Studies--one of our fastest growing areas! A subject whose breadth and depth cannot be overstated. Further penetration of the student body is anticipated, as this hot topic continues to find a welcome place among incoming WTFU students!
Uh oh!

Look who our WTFU team is booked to play this weekend, dudes!

It's the David Archuleta Musical Institute of TeenIdology (aka DAMMIT) !!!!

Quick, don your giant foam hands that show our school spirit--you know the ones!

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:59 — Scott
in deep DJ voice:
"And welcome to the voice of the campus. This is WTFU-FM. Playing all Cook, all the time."

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:59 — keepitsimple
I didn't know school was in session. Wouldn't you know I would get caught skipping class on the very first day.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:59 — pweller7
You are all cracking me up in here tonight. I would like to apply for Janitor/Maintenance Person for WTFU. If I become the lucky candidate that assumes this position, would I be eligible to attend the Declaration tewer or no?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:02 — sengels_NYC
OMG Patti. A janitor?? No! You're a cheerleader, girl!

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:03 — Cathryn

Ah yes, Fanbase Studies--one of our fastest growing areas! A subject whose breadth and depth cannot be overstated

GAH
KDC is killing what is left of me after the concert last night.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:07 — Annette
Patti - you are definately the head of the Cheerleading Squad......

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:08 — sky1234
I nominate Becks to lead the cheerleading squad.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:08 — sengels_NYC
Um. It all goes down hill from there.... How did I miss that? I'm glad you've all moved on because, yeah, I got nothin'.

Patti & Becks cheering so far... What color are your pompoms?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:09 — pweller7
Oooh! Me likey "Head Cheerleader" Seng! What are the WTFU colors? Need to know~ certain colors "wash me out" and I would need to have my three "Cats for Cook" be school mascots pweez....

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:09 — kitkat
Jenney, I loved your course titles. Don't we need an athletic department? Some sports to play in?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:11 — Annette

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:08 — sky1234
I nominate Becks to lead the cheerleading squad.

Becks can lead and Patti (pweller7) can co-lead.....

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:12 — bobs.mom

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 22:59 — Scott
in deep DJ voice:

"And welcome to the voice of the campus. This is WTFU-FM. Playing all Cook, all the time."

Oh Scott, I know you didn't mean this in the double meaning sort of way, but I'm giggling anyway because my mind just works like that. It's border-line Austin Powerish.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:14 — mujerfeliz2009
BTW, about WTFU classes... could I be the teacher of spanish or latin rhythms? ...
David could be my favorite alumni.. why? with his recent discovered sexiness, he would kill me (it is about me, you know) singing something like KOTN in spanish, with the same attitude and all. GUH!!!

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:14 — Crowgirls
As reigning Queen of TwoPPbury, I declare WTFU a fully acredited and funded university, with TfM as Dean and all other positions are awarded to the first person who claims it.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:18 — CarolLynn

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:09 — kitkat
Jenney, I loved your course titles. Don't we need an athletic department? Some sports to play in?

Please tell me this doesn't mean naked co-ed field hockey. If it does, I really need to get in shape before I join this university.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:18 — Jen
Patti, Oggy is the mascot, but if your cats don't mind dressing like a Magic Platinum Ninja Rainbow, I think they can back him up.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:19 — hypergly
Is there room me at WTFU? I have a degree in Classical Studies, and every university needs a champion for the grammar and syntax of foundational languages such as TWoPSpeak. In fact, I think you should make " 'Ploding I: Introduction the the TWoP Glossary" a core requirement.
I can also teach cultural classes about ancient but still relevant subjects such as the Origin and Transmigration of the Locktopus.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:20 — Jenney

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:09 — kitkat
Jenney, I loved your course titles. Don't we need an athletic department? Some sports to play in?

You know, when I thought of athletics all I could think of was David's high school acrobatics in Singin' in the Rain, LOL.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:20 — TherapyForMe
While I was watching AI8 you guys formed a fully accredited university. Awesome! I love being the Dean!

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:25 — yaminacookie
Let's hire Rickey for WTFU Science & Technology: Underwater Cellcasts

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:26 — minstrel
i think before we complete the staffing of WTFU some attention needs to be paid to the student store -- because there is so much MERCH to be peddled, we have to have a nice little retail emporium. Volunteers to run the place? (You get an employee discount on all discontinued DC-designed graphic tees.....)

suggested basic inventory here

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:27 — kaydeecee
WTFU Course Catalog Update: New Course Added!

Fan Immolation: Advanced Techniques for Getting Banned
With practical advice on nurturing resentments, tipping over the checkerboard, flaming for results, falsifying IP addresses, and beating the horse which is no more.

Final assignment will be a thousand word essay on your choice of David Cook's private life, Simon Fuller's finances, or Clive Davis' sexuality. Counts for: 100% of your grade. Upon submission, you will be banned from campus.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:33 — bobs.mom
Minstrel - I'm dense. I read your Merch song the other day, but I didn't make the connection with the song part. I think I read it too fast. Can't wait to hear it on WTFU-FM. Maybe I need a course on Thread Reading Comprehension.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:35 — ncc1991
Just when I think I couldn't be more entertained or love you guys more you go and start a university.

I'd be willing to be a professor of concert videography. Can I teach and take classes? Is MsDarcy in charge of the art department?

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:35 — pweller7
Ummm...Annette, I look really spesh-chul in p-p-p-pink bubble gum and slimming midnight black. The three "Cats for Cook" are going to be pi**ed-off, but they will get over it.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:40 — FolkFan
Oggy (aka Magic Platinum Ninja Rainbow) is not only the mascot, it's also the head of the Physical Education department. Fencing and all sorts of martial arts. If it's not something that could be used to harm someone or defend yourself, Magic Rainbow will not have it on the curriculum.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:43 — rockymountainhi
Minstrel -- LOVE the merch song!
(when did merchandise become merch?)

KDC: DAMMIT FTMFW. Except I want them to lose in our intramural contests with other U's like Syesha Mercado Undergraduate Tech. (SMUT)

I would like to be the Dean of Foreign Affairs/Semester Abroad Programs. That way, I can have SNF and everybody else from anywhere other than Here come and stay at the satellite campus in my backyard (although they can stay in the house too). Also, could keep track of those foreigners having affairs with MY sekrit bf.

Curriculum: My department: An Affair with A Broad: Internet Romance in the 21st Centry

For the English Department:
Semantics 202
David Cook: A Cunning Linguist
202a Auxillary Course
Neal Tiemann: Him Too.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:43 — kaydeecee
OK, one last lame WTFU joke (you really shouldn't tempt a former teacher).

Students! Sign up now for our ever-popular

Degree in Graphic Design

Suggested Course of Study

• Booking Your Band in the Greater Midwest
• Exploring Walmart Aisle by Aisle
• Midnight Songwriting
• Independent Record Production
• Heartrending Introspection (Advanced)
• Principles of Hearthrobbery (Beginner)
• Dress for Success (Optional)

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:47 — yaminacookie
I think I'll join RIckey in the Marine Science department with my course The Search for the Loch Ness Monster.

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:48 — sengels_NYC
Hey, I did not see that amberbear was already on the cheerleading squad as well, first actually. Hopefully she just said F@ck it, I'm gonna do it anyway, like her new sig. lol

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Wed, 01/14/2009 - 23:51 — Janus
yamina that goes along with
advanced herpetology- the American anaconda.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:00 — sky1234
Hey does anybody know where that expanding fanbase class is meeting? Every chick in WTFU wants to take it. They are starting to storm the information desk. Help!

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:00 — Megg
KDC that is hilarious. You should add Record/CD cover design. Myspace record promotion. Blog I and VLOG II. Public Speaking. Tattoo design.

I wonder if his mom knew that he double majored in graphic design and rock band in college and that's why it took him 5 years before Idol. I bet she realizes it now.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:06 — sengels_NYC
So_not_funny and I will be jointly teaching "Heating Duct Message Decoding Methods and Analysis" but we are waiting to hear from the Dept of Foreign Languages' committee on how the elective could be counted towards any degree program.

ETA: Sky1234 That Expanding Fanbase class is meeting at the Hard Rock of course, however please let those in line know that they must first have passed Basic Fanbase Appreciation, of course.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:09 — Cathryn>

Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:00 — sky1234
Hey does anybody know where that expanding fanbase class is meeting? Every chick in WTFU wants to take it. They are starting to storm the information desk. Help!

Due to popular demand, It has been moved to the 1000 seat auditorium.
The master instructor is on stage singing 'Kkkiss on the neck' whilst stroking said neck and smirking. Note: Moaning is forbidden by anyone except the instructor, but extra credit will be given for whispering along at appropriate times.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:12 — baby boomer
Kaydeecee you are on fire tonight. Can I propose a course- Assessment of Mental Health during Rockstar Performances. Course Description: This course will explore the clinical parameters of Depression which can exist during rockstar performances. We will examine the diagnostic criteria of the DSM-IV and the lived experience of rockstar performances. Special consideration will be given to differentiating between performance enjoyment and extensive use of CFM eyes during said performance. Performances of David Cook will be highlighted as examples of performances that reflect sound principles of mental health promotion. Required course for Degree on Clinical Cookology. Oh, and I would like to be the course professor.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:29 — sengels_NYC
Baby Boomer, I almost have to cry fowl on whipping out the DSM IV for exposing the whole stark reality on the meaning and existence of WTFU. But we can just skip that section. Or tear it out and burn it.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:34 — becky43078

I nominate Becks to lead the cheerleading squad.

sky

i will accept i always wanted to be a cheerleader

READYYYYYYYYY............... OKAYYYYYYYYY

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:36 — baby boomer
Sengels- sorry if I offended you. My attempt at snarck didn't cut it I guess. My point being, the boy looked great last night and the eyes were mighty fine. That is really all. How about this- Alternative methods of therapy- we will explore the use of David Cook's music and performances as a complementary therapy for a variety of health problems. It's still a required course towards the degree in clinical Cookology. I still would like to be the course professor.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:39 — bobs.mom
OMG! I fell asleep on the couches and missed my first class. I'm going up to my dorm room and go to bed. I'll wipe the drool off the couch so the west coast students don't sit in the wet spot.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:42 — sengels_NYC
I'm kidding BB! I had snark-fail. It sounds like a great course!
Sign me up!!

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:53 — PeachMango
KDC -- Doesn't that degree in Graphic Design also require classes in hairdressing? Because BF had a different hairstyle every time we saw him -- and that was BEFORE Hollywood Week?

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 00:55 — baby boomer
So, how about this for a scholarly paper as part of either course: Comparative analysis of David Cook's released works of music. The student will critically analyze David Cook's music and application as an alternative therapy for selected health problems. I think this needs to be a major paper- maybe a baccalaureate thesis even. I think I would like to read these papers although in a few weeks I will be up to my eyeballs in marking papers.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 01:02 — SUE
ACK GACK

Is there any WTFU positions left for little o' me

damn, happened with the numbers too so I gave up LOL but I am determined to have a position ,
YEA a position hmmmmmm

ETA: new course coming to a campus near you

Those artsy types at the Rhode Island School of Design can put down their paintbrushes and take "The Art of Sin and the Sin of Art," which contemplates the relationship between sin and the art world. The course catalog invites you to "lust with the saints and burn with the sinners."

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 01:12 — SUE
sorry post hoing but I found some merch

http://www.cafepress.com/tshirtshed/1319415

ugly link, yea I know

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 01:13 — becky43078
I was thinking if not a cheerleader i can be in the marching band, I played clarinet all through high school. I am a band geek after all.

wtfu band geek ftw!!!

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 01:17 — Jen
Nice find, Sue! Though I'd bet MsDarcy could also come up with something featuring Oggy, the mascot. It would have to include Tulsa and Dublin size shirts, of course.

Becky, I'll going you in the Marching Band. Gotta have a color guard (flags, rifles). I was also Assistant Drum Major my senior year, if there's a need. That's not too geeky, right?

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 03:57 — khatoun
Ok, I am way too late for the WTFU discussion, but I wanted to volunteer for the post (doesn't look like it's filled yet) of School Nurse, since I have a Master's Degree in Nursing.

With all the 'ploding, fan-base exploring, cheer-leading, thudding etc going on, somebody's gonna hurt sumpthin.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 04:24 — so_not_funny
The school nurse is a very important position, (I said position, hee tm RMH) and has to keep an office well-stocked with oxygen tanks, paper bags, and is constantly running out of heart medication.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 05:38 — follia
How to tie this into the WTFU?
I guess I'll just jump right in and suggest another course offering. Can't decide whether it should be offered in the department of religious studies, musicology, of psychology. Depending on the department the syllabus would vary, of course.

As a prerequisite for the higher level course in KOTN, I'd like to see WTFU offer a course in Responsive Moaning.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 07:49 — yaminacookie
Follia: "As a prerequisite for the higher level course in KOTN, I'd like to see WTFU offer a course in Responsive Moaning."

Perhaps you should be the cheerleading coach - I can see our squad now leading the stands in a rousing chant of KOTN moans.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 07:58 — widz
I don't know if this has been posted:

How about the CJT-ers start a class at WTFU about Marketing or Numbers (duh!) or Pimpage in the Idol Kingdom or The Awesomeness of Simon Fuller, the Genius?

Oooh, maybe WTFU should have a specific department for Idol!
Afterall, David is King Cook (tm-Richard Rushfield)

There, we discuss the current and future AI shows (we're still watching it even though we've found what we're looking for) and we hold seminars to dissect every performance by the Cook!

Also seminars are held by the Department of the Idol Kingdom for the above-mentioned Pimpage class to dissect how an Idol is pimped and why they're pimped...

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 08:56 — Cathryn

As a prerequisite for the higher level course in KOTN, I'd like to see WTFU offer a course in Responsive Moaning.

Follia, this should be compulsive before anyone can buy tkts to the on campus concert.
Course materials: Studio recording of DC moans from KOTN re-takes
Sign me up, it would be worth it just to get the course materials.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 08:58 — luvzcookiecrumbs
I would like to head up the Health Services department at WTFU and I am calling all my fellow nurses to give me a hand. We can offer immunizations against blingtrance and Tiemmanfever. We offer walk-in service, no appointment needed. We totally understand the many students we get wandering in like zombies after a live performance.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:02 — jasmine
WTFU staff and students have been doing an all-nighter I see.

WTF University T-shirts with "Expand the Fanbase" on the back would be perfecto. I kinda think this would be funny to wear to the College Tewer.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:17 — widz
Can I enrol as a student? Don't know what I want to major in though..maybe someone could compile all the classes available in a blog? Like a Prospectus?

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:18 — jasmine
David Cook makes me stoopid, but kdc and you other uber literates out there help reverse that (you make me look up words all the time).

WTFU Marching Band - Yes! I was marching flute player + color guard captain + Drum Corps. We will not be a nerdy Marching Band though, as we will only be playing Axium, MWK and David Cook songs, with a few covers thrown in.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:23 — kaydeecee

Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:18 — jasmine
WTFU Marching Band

Yes!!!! There must be a marching band version of the works of Axium.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:23 — Annette

WTFU Marching Band - Yes! I was marching flute player + color guard captain + Drum Corps. We will not be a nerdy Marching Band though, as we will only be playing Axium, MWK and David Cook songs, with a few covers thrown in

I can play clarinet - did this all through School.. I was also captain of the Baton Twirlers - one/two baton, hoop, fire.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:28 — yaminacookie
DC and EEB playing Fleetwood Mac's "Tusk", accompanied by the WTFU Marching Band and Annette with flaming batons - blows "I am Your Brother" out of the water.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:28 — kaydeecee
I like baton twirlers and also the people who do the marching band flag twirling thing.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:34 — keepitsimple
No one must sleep around here. I only have time to quickly scan the posts from last night, but it doesn't seem as if anyone has been named head of Student and Residential Life. l may have to occasionally give everyone a curfew to insure that they get plenty of rest before a big concert.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:55 — cinmc
Even though I totally belong in the marching band (marched clarinet and trumpet in HS), I would like to apply for the cheerleading squad. My resume can be found here where you can see evidence of my awesome clapping and spirit fingers several times. And also proof that I can be 5 feet from the man himself and not pass out. Though it was a close call.

If the cheerleading squad is already full, I can also offer a class in picture collecting and organizing. I earned my Master's Degree in that this summer. I can't add anything intelligent to the mix though, see my sig.
--
David Cook makes me stupid

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 09:56 — so_not_funny
Answering the phone in my plush corner office (we all have one, weird-shaped building) at WTFU: "Student Affairs, want one?"

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 10:12 — _AheadofStraight
WTFUFTW! Hilarious! Since all positions seems to be filled, sign me up as a student ASAP. Now I can attend the college tewer with no worries of being too old. :textualwink:

Might I suggest another class, one in which I specialize? I can be the TA if needed.

Costanza Methodology - How to appear busy at work while Cooksurfing.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 10:20 — luvzcookiecrumbs
May I suggest bacon vodka for dorm parties, rather than the oh so mundane kegger?

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 10:27 — SUE
I could be librarian with the motto

"what happens in the library stays in the library"

well you know I meant reading right

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 10:44 — SUE
jen
I have your FLAG

ETA: I have FLAGS
for everyone

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 10:49 — widz
*takes a flag*

Thanks, Sue!

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 10:50 — minstrel
Prof. Minstrel, Holder of the Weird Al Memorial Chair in Parody, is pleased to provide the lyrics to the rousing school song for WTFU, to be sung to the tune of the immortal “On, Wisconsin.” (To make this work for mixed audiences, minstrel opted not to provide the complete name of our esteemed institution, but rather the transliterated acronym, Wa-Teff-U. Which rather makes it sound like a summer camp in the piney woods…. With bead crafts and fire starting and boat rowing with mavid oars and…. what have you… HEY, that’s an idea…. CAMP Wa-Teff-U, anybody????)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hitljIVI6U&feature=related

On, Wa-Teff-U!

On, Wa-Teff-U! On, Wa-Teff-U!
Screw the autograph line!
Run your fanbase down the field
To get DC face time (Rah Rah Rah)
On, Wa-Teff-U! On, Wa-Teff-U!
Fight for Cookie's fame
Fight! Wordnerds! Buy those tunes!
This ain’t no game.

On, Wa-Teff-U! On, Wa-Teff-U!
Stand up, Wordnerds, sing!
OGGY rules, and other teams
Are no match for our bling (bling bling bling)
On, Wa-Teff-U! On, Wa-Teff-U!
We're out of the box
Stand, Wordnerds, sing while Cookie
Rocks our socks!

Minstrel wants to sign up for KDC’s advanced class in Heartrending Introspection, but fears it would put the kibosh on her parodic skills for good… thus she will abstain, leaving the chair for a more worthy student of philosophy…..

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 11:01 — g4cook
Please let me twirl a baton! It's been 30 years but I think I can still do it. Maybe we should twirl microphone stands instead. DC knows how to twirl his!!

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 11:06 — jayelgee1
Cathryn (8:56) : Responsive Moaning with sub-topics of panting and pleading during "songus interruptus". ( fans self)

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 11:45 — amberbear
Checking in on this institute of higher learning and I am in awe that someone actually found bacon vodka!!! luvzcookiecrumbs, are you actually on someone's payroll when you find stuff like that? That was hilarious! (methinks I may have to keep a better eye on my own employee...hmmmm)

**bows to the infamous minstrel for a fabulous school song**

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 11:52 — cinmc
A note for the school nurse: Youtubeth is a fantastic cure for blinding sinus headaches. I'm guessing it cures other ails also. You'll want to keep some on hand.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 11:56 — jayelgee1
Hmmmm - I've been wondering about the position of Dean of Student Discipline - handcuffs and chains? On-the -job attire : Slutty Pants. Any takers?

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 11:58 — amberbear
jayelgee1, question.

Will David be involved in this discipline at all? 'Cause if he is, then I want to start a bad girls sorority

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 12:31 — sky1234
David and handcuffs, what has happened to this institution of higher learning?

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 12:41 — Janus

Wed, 01/14/2009 - 21:10 — jayelgee1
Janus (19:35) - omg - I've just been composing in my head a new thread about David, oxytocin and Us. Did you read yesterday's article in the NY Times about the new research about it perhaps, one day, be prescribed as a "love potion"? For sure our Dave is a major stimulator of massive floods of oxytocin into the brains of Us weeping, moaning, gasping women. More, more, more, David, please!

Jayalgee, I finally got around to reading your NY Times article, which refers back to an essay in Nature. It seems injecting oxytocin receptor blockers in to the brains of female voles prevents them from bonding with male voles. And vice versa, injecting oxytocin into female vole brains increases bonding (albeit to whomever is nearby). With that in mind, the New Times writer (tongue-in-cheek, I think) proposes using the oxytocin blocker to prevent one from falling in love and oxytocin injections to give your relationship a boost. I’m not sure about the former, but as for the latter, consider that oxytocin is released naturally during sexual stimulation, couldn’t you accomplish the same thing by having sex with your partner more often? It’s a lot more fun than an injection in the brain and it’s free.

However, I think I see where you going with this. Dave sings and seduces us via his sways and moans, we’re sexually stimulated, oxytocin is released and we bond with him….over and over again. We’re “in love” with David Cook. I think you may be on to something there but wouldn't that makes us all Dave junkies: oxytocin over-dosed and perpetually Baba O’Reillyed? I enjoy lusting after our rather swoonworthy “newly minted” Rockstar (and his dexterous, broad shouldered, and generously tattooed guitar player) but I like to pretend that I manage to cling to my dignity by a mangled nub-bitten fingernail.

Um...well.....gotta go.... I'm jonesing for a KOTN....

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 13:06 — jayelgee1
Janus - I just keep searching for any rational explanation for this affliction of the soul. Oxytocin addiction is ok by me. ( My brain sure feels injected every time I hear his voice/ see his face.)

I guess we'll have to add a Biology/ Neuroscience class to the WTFU course offerings.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 13:08 — sengels_NYC
And can I be Greek adviser to this Bad Girls sorority? because I will most certainly let you guys get away with as much as possible, however probably not panty-throwing.

ETA: HOLYCRAPOLY! DCTR is on my Google feed as iTunes' #5 Top Album. Wooowie! Lots of people see that! I'm seein' double in no time....

ETAA: Thanks for the flag SUE. You have lots of them with enough for the lurkers too, I see!

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 13:59 — TherapyForMe
Hi g4cook! Since nobody answered you yet, as Dean of WTFU, I invite you to twirl away. As far as the rest of you who would like a position (that's what she said) here at WTFU, create your own. We're not picky.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 14:02 — SybilTrelawney
As General Counsel of WTF U, I will of course be in charge of all contracts for performance by DC & the EEB on campus. I will also be negotiating all contracts with the University's service providers, including piped in DC music in all university elevators, waiting rooms and cafeterias. In negotiating contracts with DC & the EEB for performances, I will insist on a clause that requires the band members to hold meet & greets for univeristy students at all performances.

Once WTF U opens a law school, I will teach courses such as "The End of Copywright: Ripping David Cook Music from the Internet," "First Amendment Guarantees to Continuous Access to David Cook Music," and, of course, "The Right to Bare Arms."

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 14:05 — closeyoureyes
I assume I have been nominated for Dean of Research at WTFU?

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 14:14 — leastlikely
Amazing what this thread can do with a little new material! You all are on FIRE!

And for dessert

folia - At the concert last night, there was one thing I really wanted. After David moaned, we moaned back.
Seriously? I totally missed that somewhere. That is beyond hysterical. No wonder he cracked up. Love it! That pointing to the neck thing in KOTN has got to go though. I can think of some better things he could be doing at that point (call me if you need ideas Cook).

SUE - "what happens in the library stays in the library" Hee!

Thu, 01/15/2009 - 12:41 — Janus
Holy cow ::fans self::

jayelgee1 - I've been wondering about the position of Dean of Student Discipline - handcuffs and chains?
Microphone cord? He should always have one of those to play around with, even if it's fake, IMO.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 14:33 — rockymountainhi
Let's all join hands around the WTFU campfire and sing kumbayah so Fools April can go back to snarking and has to do less moderating. I guess that will work.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 14:50 — brinau
Ok I know I'm late to WTFU but can I get my late registration in. I would also like to apply for the job of oggy. I have 6 years of experience in being a mascot or I could also be in the marching band as I played clarinet too. I also have a request for a class that I didn't see posted yet.

Cookifying 101-- Do you have friends that need to be introduced to David Cook? In this class you will learn the best methods for Enlightening friends to the greatness that is David Cook.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 15:15 — SUE
ok I can't remember If Scott was newspaper or tv WTFU guy but I want to be a columnist for WTF daily paper , yea that's it
NO I am not a great writer but hey it's WTF

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 15:20 — jkraft2920
I would like to submit my application to be a Student at WTFU. Since I can not seem to keep up with the witicizims and snark and shiny places, and type at the same time, I'm thinkin Faculty is out of the question. Would lurv to have a banner to wave and am learning the fight song as quickly as possible.
Waiting for my letter of acceptance here. Please. textural smile

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 15:26 — jayelgee1
New course Offering in the Dept of Human Sexuality of WTFU : Erotica Cookieana: History, Development and Function. Multimedia presentations. Towels will be required. Bring ice.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 15:59 — sky1234
jkraft2920, I am just the lowly secretary but I have hereby admitted you to this prestigious university, the fees include $100.00 to the secretary fund, $200.00 for the pirate pants, $10.00 oggy pin, $10.00 WTF flag, the Annual bacon banquet is optional. Dorm rooms have only one requirement and it is teal drapes.

Oh yeah there is no Lights Out, we like our Lights On around here. We realize that you will have the time of you life while you are here and there is no need to make a declaration of your major. We have a lot of heroes on the campus ask me about them sometime, if you have any problems come back to me. Sometimes it is like life on the moon around here, there are some extra bath items I have acquired through the years oh look here is some Bar-ba-sol, it is yours if you want. So my daily anthem is nothing is permanent, you can't be Mr. Sensitive or Mrs., I won't lie to you there is an avalanche of new things for you to learn and don't worry about making a dorm room key I did it for you. Now remember for the record this is all about David Cook. Have a nice day. Your sweet Secretary.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 16:13 — jkraft2920
Oooh thank you exalted secretary sky1234! Can't wait for the semester to begin. Uhm, oh, the check is in the mail!

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 17:42 — thespian
I need to be from WTFU2, I'm thinking Cheerleading since I know I can jump higher than anyone else.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 19:10 — besotted
As for WTFU, we really need a Student Pub. Now it just so happens that when I was at University, I managed the pub on campus...Jager and redbulls for everyone! Can I please run it? We won't have a dresscode(for those who don't own a pair of jeans and those who feel compelled to wear bedazzled tees), but no cover on dance nights for all male students wearing ppppirate pppants.
And just think, it would be a really cool vibe kinda place for the EEBFGB to have a regular gig.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 21:03 — bobs.mom
WTFU - Win Technologies and Fine-Arts University?? (name for the more delicate or outsiders). Other ideas? Oh, WTF.

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Thu, 01/15/2009 - 23:57 — yaminacookie
A post at CJT just reminded me of a course that must be offered at WTFU: Conversational Ass.

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:13 — yaminacookie
Oooh - Becky's post has me thinking WTFU can have an entire Ass Department - besides Conversational Ass, we can add Backward Ass Posting 101.

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:21 — picklesprite
yamina the yak herder:"A post at CJT just reminded me of a course that must be offered at WTFU: Conversational Ass."

hee! I know whose post, and we all know who will teach that course.

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:30 — yaminacookie

Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:21 — picklesprite
yamina the yak herder:"A post at CJT just reminded me of a course that must be offered at WTFU: Conversational Ass."

hee! I know whose post, and we all know who will teach that course.

And there is evidently a prodigy already in the class.

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:30 — Jen
PSprite, that teacher wouldn't, by chance, be our esteemed Dean, TfM, would it? I didn't think a Dean would be able to teach a course, but I think given the level of expertise, we'll definitely have to make an exception.

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:39 — TherapyForMe
Yamina and picklesprite, I'll consider that a shout out. *wink* And Jen, for a fee anything can get worked out.

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:44 — yaminacookie

Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:39 — TherapyForMe
Yamina and picklesprite, I'll consider that a shout out. *wink*

I hereby nominate this to the Queen for best quote of the day. ROFLMAO or should I say ROFLw/MA?

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:50 — picklesprite
lol! I second yamina's nomination. Gosh, I never knew it could raise its voice, TfM. I'm impressed.

Jen, yes, exceptions must be made for such talent.

"prodigy." I blush. As well I should.

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Fri, 01/16/2009 - 00:59 — TherapyForMe
Picklesprite, you'd be surprised.