A BAND BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS SWEET - A NOMENCLATURE FAN REPORT
AUGUST 24, 2009, 11:33 am
A BAND BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS SWEET
1 AM, secret underground Cook Dome
A sleepy David Cook wakes up, mumbling. "Mrm rubber chicken . . . .why did you cross the road . . . . HUH what? AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh! FANS!! Who let you in? What in the holy name of Raine Maida are you doing in my bed room?"
Fan 1: "We want to talk about the band name, Dave."
Cook: "Uh, what about it?"
Fan 2: "You chose one."
Fan 3, shaking head: "What were you thinking?"
Cook: "But . . . you've been asking, begging and pleading with me to name the damn band for months. Holding up signs! Making pleading videos! A spreadsheet of one thousand possible names cross-referenced with 5 alternate spellings each!"
Fan 4: "That was me! There were tabs and everything!"
Fan 1: "The point is, if you actually make a choice, we won't be able to argue about it anymore! We want to go back to not knowing!"
Fan 2: "Besides, we all hate it!"
Fan 5: "I don't! I'm just here about the hair thing. The BANGS dude--I'm in agony!"
Fan 1: "Shut up. We're not talking about the hair anymore. Remember the Fan Fatwah. Those That Hate Upon the Hair are of little faith."
Cook: "But hold on now, about the band name. We put a lot of thought into this, And if I chose another one--wouldn't half of you hate THAT?"
Fans, in a chorus : "No no! If it was something else, we' be good. ANYTHING else we'll get behind it 100 percent!"
Cook, narrowing his eyes suspiciously: "Are you sure?"
Fan mob, nodding vigorously: "Oh absolutely!!"
Fan 4: "Well, no. We're totally lying. Realistically, whatever you choose, let's face it, some of us are going to love and some of us are gonna hate it . . . "
Fan 3: "Come on, at least it's better then Hoobastank!"
Fan 8: "Hell, it's better then 'Axium'--sounded like a unisex hair salon to me!" This fan is promptly beaten to the ground by a woman wearing a Cain's Ballroom t-shirt.
Fan 10: "I actually kind of love "The Anthemic." It refers directly to the melodic, epic, soaring quality that your music so often achieves! I find the choice both earnest and vulnerable, and I don't care what the naysayers think!
Cook: "Then why are you here?"
Fan 10: "Dude, it's your bedroom! Could you hold that blanket a little lower?"
Cook: "All right, that's enough! EVERYBODY OUT!!! The band name is the band name, see you on tour!"
Fans:
"But . . .!"
"Are you gonna get it tattoo'd across your back?"
"Hey, where's Neal's room?"
Cook: "OUT!!!!!"
<< Back to the forum thread, if you will
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Archive of Totally Accurate Fan Reports
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Comments for this Blog post
Brillantly hilarious!
Also earnest and vulnerable!
Thanks so much for the laugh!
gracias ma peeps
Glad you enjoyed your helping of made up band reportage
--
kaydeecee
I would actually visit that unisex hair salon.
Nicely done, m'dear, as per usual.
LOVE IT, LOVE IT! Than
KDC thanks for the laugh, I think this is one of the funniest fan reports.
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http://i559.photobucket.com/albums/ss32/LyfeOnTheMoon/Signature2.jpg
Perfect!
Thanks KDC, I've missed your "Fan Reports." Spot on and funny as ever.
--
You can come back baby, Rock 'n Roll never forgets - Bob Seger
Wonderful
Late to the party - everyone below has already said what I want to say - so I'll just add 'Thank you'! You rock.
Thank You Thank You Thank You
Your fan reports are simply made of awesome.
--
It's easy when it's done being hard
Another KDC classic
I had to wait most of the day to read this, and it was totally worth it. Thank you, KDC, for sharing your wit, your snarky humor, and your love for DC with all of us.
--
"Take a minute just to breathe..."
√D; WTFU; Poetic Solace
YouTube // Twitter
Fabulous!
Thanks for the laugh! So, where is Neal's room? Or Andy's???
Love it
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
--
Northeast Missouri Cougar #40 N (non-predatory!) Dec Tour Concerts #5, #46
archival
Aww, thank you!
I did finally make an archive post and collected the links in one place--see the end of the story above.
cos I'm a geek
--
kaydeecee
clap! clap! clap!
you made me post again! someday, i'm gonna come up with a compilation of all your works of art/comedy posted here. love them all. thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks.
Hilarious!!
This was just brilliant!! Absolutely needed it around here.
(btw..I'm totally Fan 10)
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*The Originals*
FAN-SNARKING IZ BACK: LOVE IT!
I'm probably Fan #10.....the perve LOL.
Ah, we needed that. Nobody pokes fun at us and still makes us laugh the way you do kdc. Brilliant fun!
--
dany
Perfect Ending
How do you manage to be snarky and heartwarming at the same time? Great stuff. I'm fan #7 .
LOL
Loved it : ). Lol
Absolutely hilarious!
There's nothing else that needs to be said.
Spielberg!
I can see a screenplay coming of this ...
*
THANK YOU
Wonderful post - keeping it all in perspective. Love that.
hilarious
LOL this was brilliant! Thanks for making me laugh first thing in the morning
What Everyone Said
Nothing to add that hasn't been said already except, you nailed us perfectly as usual.
Hurrah!
Ah KDC, I knew it! All you needed was a night out on the town with the girls to bring the humor back!
Cook: "OUT!!!!!"
ANTHEMIC
GAH, you had to invoke the S&B shirt?
haha
This is hilarious, I love it!
--
Katy
"What's more unpredictable than being predictable?"
ode to an anthem
LOL. Thanks for the laughter.
Perfect!
As usual, you've summarized it just right. Hilarious. Thank you.
Too Funny!
This is hysterical!!
Huge LOL !!!
You never let us down !! I'm the easy-going kind, so I think I fit Fan 10 the most.
...
Love it!
Your imagination takes us to the best places!
Thank you.
--
Love from the UK.
OMG is this absolutely HILARIOUS!!!
Ok, I'm pretty new to this site so I'm not familar with Kaydeecee and your obviously GREAT talent and skill for writing! I couldn't stop laughing over this!!! THANKYOU for sharing it with us all...sure made my day alot brighter! Now if only DCA would read this...I know they would all love it!
And everyone who mentioned fan #10...ha, ha...ME TOO!!
Comedy at its best
so I had my boss sitting next to me, a few minutes ago ( who would kill me if he saw me writing on this forum during working hours, he already knows about my Dave problem), and was fighting just to hold back bursting on laughter.
Fan 5: "I don't! I'm just here about the hair thing. The BANGS dude--I'm in agony!"
***OMG! that caught me by surprise**
Cook: "Then why are you here?"
Fan 10: "Dude, it's your bedroom! Could you hold that blanket a little lower?"
**LOL, definetly what I would do**
Bwah!
OMG, I literally laughed out loud (I'm at work!!) at fan #10. CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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--AheadofStraight
π + e
KDC---Loving It
I was so praying this morning that you would write a Fan Report because if ever we needed one, it was today. I am sooooo laughing right now (at work and probably in trouble). You go, girl. So funny, but oh so true.
--
~~Mary
KDC this was Anthemic!
WORD! to what everyone has said and then some! Needed a good ROFL today! Thanks! =) I'm Fan #1!
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The World is a Happier Place
...with you writing your hysterical, right on posts.
I loved how you know David, know how he would have reacted..."Out!"
That was just great and suddenly the world is a happy place again.
Yaaaaaay!
New Fan Report!
This made me lol for real:
Cook: "Then why are you here?"
Fan 10: "Dude, it's your bedroom! Could you hold that blanket a little lower?"
Brilliant, once again...hee.
--
So long to the ordinary day...
Twitter // Cookified Icons
LOL
This is awesome! Great job as always
--
Rolling Out Across the Desert Word Hero #293
"If I could have a super power, I'd like the ability to...fly...so I can, you know?...soar...with...the birds."
Brilliant
This may be your funniest fan report yet. God help anyone who reads this in a situation where they must remain composed and silent. The Fan Fatwah, Fan #10, the lying fans, the bangs, Hoobastank! You are a wonderfully twisted woman. Thanks!
--
"Nobility is not of birth, it is of character." --archucookie
Fan-freaking-tastic!
Okay, my boss just wandered by and asked why I was laughing- thank you for making it worth almost getting fired! You are the supreme Goddess of all things snark...I bow! Oh, you forgot to mention...what was he *ahem* wearing?
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**now tweeting random jibberish as jmg887**