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DavidCookOfficial Fan Report of Totally Accurate Truth - Episode 2 and Three Quarters

David, I understand you are in New York right now, pouring hot sauce on the final mix of the record and giving phone sex to radio djs, so it is possible you have once again fallen behind on reading this site.

So once more it is my duty to prepare an executive summary of the key events of recent days.

Recently, on David Cook Official:

Light On became available for paid download, like high-quality porn. Better, because it only costs 99 cents. So your fans got their orgasms for less than a greasy packet of home fries.

According to Blender magazine, you were offered a dowry of camels and a satellite by a Saudi princess and a porn star wanted you to come to over and watch O'Reilly Factor with her. You turned both down. Good for you, because camels bite. Also, some porn stars. Also, Fox News.

The economy collapsed.

Fan 1: OMG he sold 100,000 downloads on iTunes in a week. And only 20 of them were me!

Fan 2: Dear DCO fans, we cannot buy things from iTunes here in Finland. Please send me the gift of this precious song and in return I will burn herrings on my altar and also you can have my daughter Illlfelka.

Fan 3: Dave Cook s*cks camel dongs. Those sales figures are pathetic. David Archuleta just bought Disneyworld and the entire state of Wisconsin, meanwhile, "Light On" has yet to sell as many copies as "Lips of an Angel."

Fan 4: I haven't heard Light On on my radio. Cook's career is over. RCA records is a cabal of evil trolls who keep their artists in a freezing cage, fighting for home fries and scraps of promotion.

Fan 5: I warned Bernake about those volatile mortgage-based derivatives! Also, the official radio add date is just this week, people, stop spazzing out.

Fan 6: My life savings! Nooooooooooooo! Hey peeps, I just emailed Kiss 108 and they are totally are playing the song!

All in all, a week of thrills, chills, and herring snacks, here, on The Internet's Most Nearly Sane David Cook Fan Site.

Coming soon: Cook adds new band mates, and makes a video . . ..

(By the way, I make these both a blog post and a forum, cause that seems like the only way for folks to find them and keep the LOLs going . . .you know comments are my meth>)

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