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Fanifesto: A David Cook Review Rapid Response Kit -- Break Open in Case of Fan Angst!!!

Written for the peeps who love the music of David Cook, though feel free to apply as needed in your world. A much condensed version of "Six Ways."

It's Album Time! One more week!

In preparation for which, a quick response kit for three different type of review.

Bad Review
* NEVER personally insult a reviewer or columnist, no matter how poor a review they give Your Favorite Artist. I'm not just talking bad language--avoid calling them ignorant, telling them they should be fired, etc. Don't attack their motives or accuse them of having some secret agenda. What you would like is a world where more people love and respect The Dude's music, correct? Attack dog tactics undermine that respect.

* The best strategy is NOT TO PILE ON. Are there already some positive comments from folks who've stepped in to defend your guy? Seriously consider just moving on. Hundreds of comments appearing for any passing slight or bad reviews looks defensive and makes the criticism more important then it needs to be.

* PLEASE don't publish the email addresses and phone numbers of web sites, columnists, radio stations etc, and urge people to complain. This snowballs like you can't believe. It can and has lead to mockery of the artist for the fans' excess. If you're going to do anything, do it once and let it go. Consider NOT posting/emailing/calling and just coming over to DCO and getting it out of your system among friends.

* If you feel like you have to comment, or you'll feel like you're not supporting The Dude, make it your goal to leave a positive impression for other readers. Naming one specific thing you really liked about Cook's album or a specific song can work. Keep it short and awesome. Keep things in proportion, too, like it's not that big a deal.

* OK, so we know about the Idol fanwars, and some of you feel like you need to defend the dude against other commenters who might stop in to say, "Yeah, that's right, this guy sucks and ours is awesome. Also, we hate his hair."

Consider ignoring them. Really, truly. The same attitude that's burning you up? It's already annoying other readers, too. Jerks are their own punishment that way. The biggest influence that they have is that folks say, "Wow, the fans of x are really douchey, I'm not going to listen to/watch/buy that." Job done.

* If you can't resist replying, adopt a tone of calm. Be completely cool about it. "Wow, that's pretty immature of you. Anyways, I really like Cook's music, and here's why." Leave the rival fans and whomever they're promoting completely out of your comments. Unless you have something nice to say, in which case, say that. Artists can't always control their crazier fans. When you do that, other people reading will be able to see the difference between the type of music lover you are, and the type of people who post the nasty stuff.

* We've just agreed no insults, right? But one thing seriously needs to be mentionted. ANY reference to the age, gender, appearance, race, religion, or other personal factor of either critics or other online commenters is completely out of bounds and is letting down the artist you're supporting. If you go there, you're a bad fan.

Sorry to even mention that, because I really haven't seen that from Cook fans, but based on what we have seen out there from some crazy supporters of other musicians, it really needed to be said.

Mixed Review
* Thank the writer for something good they said. Point out where they made relevant points.

* If you spot something you don't like in a largely positive review, think twice before pointing it out. You want other readers to walk away with a good vibe about the artist, and calling out every little irksome thing can kinda spoil that good impression.

* If you feel like there's an interesting case to be made, the more you can make that case like you would to a buddy--"hey, I liked what you said, but I have to make a point in response to y"--the better.

* Otherwise, same as above: be cool about it, no fanwars.

* If it's appropriate (and it hasn't been done in the article or by other commenters) you might want to suggest for the sake of fellow readers where they can check out other stuff by the artist. But 300 people doing the same thing will seem like overkill.

Good Review

Yay! The fun stuff!

* Thanks are never out of place. Writer really like to know which of their bits worked well, so if there's a point you really liked, praising that is even better then a generic "great job." Although people like to hear "great job," too.

* Sometimes a good review of Your Favorite Artist will draw gripes from people who don't care for his work. So long as they're politely stated, just leave them alone. Everyone's entitled to an opinion. If they're really awful, you can counter untrue statements with facts or reasoning, or just say "whoa, that was way over the top. " If you can do humor, a little friendly mockery can work. Resisting the urge to strike back in any mean way back will earn you a much, much better day.

Again, if you can resist the urge to respond to trolls completely, you win Awesomeness Points times eleventy.

* Celebrate the good. Find your favorite fanboard to squeeeee, or listen to your songs again. Let yourself savor the spreading respect for an awesome artist. Lord knows he worked hard for it.

Takin' the high road for Cook and Co! Abide by. . . . the Fanifesto!!!!

************
Addenda

A Note on Other Bad Stuff
After I wrote this, someone asked about a different scenario: what if you encounter, not a bad review, but a really horrible and patently awful personal attack on your fave, such as you'd object to for any human being? If the remark comes from some random person on a web board, ignore, or use whatever flag or other reporting means to contact the people who manage the site. Politely. If the person who made the statement is in the media--radio shock jocks or stalker sites like TMZ are one example--you *could* write a courteous note to higher ups at that company. But if this is a character or web site that thrives on giving offense, it's unlikely to do any good. Sorry. It's a mean world sometimes.

Again though, remember that artists have agents, PR people, and so on, to defend them. Continuing to be a supportive fan through other means, and not buying/listening to/visiting a sh*tty outlet, is generally your best bet, not fan jiihad.

Another Note about Cook's Years in the Wilderness:
From sourwoodmtn: "This guy's just spent ten years playing in smoky bars getting dissed by drunks, frat boys, and stupid A&R guys. He ain't fragile."

A Great Note On Squeee!
From closeyoureyes

I've been thinking that we need to address the good review as well. One problem I have is the overblown squeee that we sometimes see. I think many casual readers might just roll their eyes at this kind of response and decide NOT to have a listen to the music. Maybe we should have a mantra for DC cook fans for all types of reviews:

1. I will not respond to trolls.

2. I will not profess my undying love and desire to marry/make out with Cook.

3. I will not become an unpaid advertising rep for David by supplying gratuitous details about album drop date, tour details, DC's back history etc. Repeat after me: No-one sells David Cook better than David Cook (tm Scott).

4. I will post the following in response to any type of review: 'Interesting review. I really liked the following songs [...]. I like the way David Cook [....].

Have It Your Way
Check out this discussion of username aNdrew's remarks in the Rolling Stone comment area.

Great example of giving specific, detailed reasons to explain why one loves the album--very cool stuff for getting other readers to check it out, which the ultimate goal--spreading the love. And total absence of being defensive or lecturing the columnist for a "meh" review.

More Reading (what! I'm an ex-teacher):
* Xavier's What Not To Do; Fans Gone Wild Thread with compelling examples
* Kaydeecee's longer essay, "The Six Worst Ways to Handle Criticism of Your Favorite Singer (or Other Favorite Anything). Plus, Six Hot Ways to Turn Criticism Into Opportunity!"