PART I -- MARCH 28, 2009

My oldest sister Janet was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April of 2005. The prognosis for this type of cancer is never good, but in Janet's case, a tumor was encapsulated in her pancreas. After radiation to shrink the tumor, she underwent eleven hours of surgery to remove the tumor, and then more radiation and chemotherapy to finish the job of killing the cancer. She made quite a comeback in 2006, surviving the death of our dad, and her own husband's diagnosis and treatment of prostate cancer. Late in 2006, however, the cancer returned and the roller coaster ride she still endures to this day began. The chemo treatments have become more aggressive with more debilitating results. Neuropathy, lethargy, nausea, swollen legs, and weight loss have prevented her from having too much quality of life, especially the last eighteen months or so.

When I first heard Permanent in its entirety on November 18th, 2008, I was stunned. I have thousands of songs in my ITunes library and in my brain, but have never been stopped in my tracks before. I know David was singing about his relationship with Adam and his struggle with cancer, but did he know he profoundly spoke of my relationship with Janet too? Well, I listened to the song again and again and by holiday time 2008, I vowed that I would share the song with her. Most of the time Janet and I spend together is shared with other family members. Usually, if I want to speak to her privately, it must be on the phone. Well, I had a day off on March 27th and had been thinking of the moment of sharing Permanent with her, and I didn't let the opportunity slip by. After months and months of waiting for the appropriate moment, it finally happened.

Janet is my soul mate. She is eight years older than I (she'll turn 60 on May 6th), but she might as well have been my best friend. I can talk to her about anything. She always knows exactly what to say when I am up or down. We have never had the proverbial brother-sister relationship. When God created her, he put all the energetic and nurturing qualities of my mother, and all the compassionate and ingenious tendencies of my father into one little body. She is everything to me.

So yesterday, I got to her house around 2 PM carrying a bag with my Ipod and my portable docking station, as well as the lyrics to the song. We sat and talked for about an hour. She looks lovely. She has gained about 14 pounds in the last month. She is still very thin, but her face is not drawn, her cheeks had great color and she had just the right shade of lipstick on to make her look radiant. Miraculously, after four years of sporadic chemo, she still has her own hair and it is lovely. She saw the end of the docking station sticking out of the bag and asked what it was. I took it out and set it up, and reminded her of the song I'd been telling her I wanted to share, and all about David, and Adam, and, of course, the prayers of the RG's. I use that Ipod and play David countless times in a day, and do you know, I was fumbling with the controls and couldn't find the album or the song. Finally, there he was...David Cook...whew! There was the song, too! I began playing the song and watched as she listened and read the lyrics. Her immediate reaction during the first verse was one of compassion for David...I could see it in her eyes. The little 'aw' sounds coming from her...I knew she got it. Then she looked at me knowing exactly what I was thinking...this verse described my perspective on the whole situation. I want to be there all the time, but life takes me away, but even though I'm not there all the time...you know the rest. She got it! As she read the second verse, and made it through the part where I realize she's living in hell every day and tell God I would trade places with her if I could and wish I could make it go away, we both looked at each other, reading each other's minds. She said in the middle of that verse, "What a beautiful song!" The final lines where the tables are turned and she is telling me that life might take her away, but...you know the rest. We hugged for a long time. She has told me throughout this whole illness that, as far as what she's going through, I just get it. I don't know why, but she tells me that whether she is up or down, I know just what to say. Go figure! I thank my dear compassionate dad for being a role model for both of us in sympathetic behavior. Hugging her frail little body after that song finished was a more emotionally satisfying moment than I could have ever hoped for. It was worth the wait.

We talked and talked for two more hours, had our tea, talked about sickness, health, death, life, family, movies, television, people...just like friends. On the way out, with the final hug, she thanked me again for the song and said she'd like to hear it again. If that isn't a callout (teehee...callout) for me to buy another copy of the cd, I don't know what is! I couldn't have asked for a better day off than yesterday.

If I could connect with David today, I would thank him for the profound lyrics that strengthened beyond imagination a relationship that needed no strengthening. I would thank him for all the music. I am so glad I stumbled upon American Idol - Season 7. May the journey he is taking be exactly what he wants it to be, and may no one stand in his way!

Joe