i'm sitting here, with my coffee, early in the morning before getting ready for work reflecting....
it's something i do quite often, not because i'm 'living in the past' or anything like that, but because it helps me to appreciate all the things in life (the good, the bad and the ugly)...it's my way of seeing the parade (my life) from the top of a high rise building....i can see the whole thing at once, the turns that are taken and will be taken by the 'caboose' end of the parade...i guess what i'm trying to say is that it gives me perspective......
and now we are in december,,,,that's the time of year i really go 'crazy', thinking about all the things that have affected my family and me for the past twelve months....the steps each one of us has taken, how we've grown, the losses, the wins, the 'break evens"........and how we have each come throught to the other side of those changes.......
the year started out pretty noncomittal (as it ususally does), but by the 3rd week of february my son (who turned 18 in that same month) decided the pastures may be greener on the other side, and moved out.....he has stayed in school, he has been working,,,he even stayed in sports, he just decided he needed to go.....broke my heart to pieces,,,,,,,,,
just a month later my daughter decided she was moving out of state,,,,,,,oh the horror, the pain the worry......she's my oldest, she's my friend,,,,,she's my daughter,,,,it was completely unbearable............people told me it was time for the kids to grow and become their own,,,,that it was a natural turn of events.....that they were becoming their own,,,,that that was what i had been preparing them for all along.......none of that advice helped,,,,i was morning the loss of my 2 kids for months to come....it was more than 'empty nest syndrome'............
but i continued to trudge along,,,,in the midst of it all was AI,,,,well, i didn't have anything else to look forward too....my other kids (teenagers) were also finding their indepence,,,but they are still at home, someone to cook for, someone the clean up for,,,someone to do laundry for....so it was all good for me..................but i kept the weekly AI performances just for me,,,and who would know that before it was all said and done i would have become such a fan of one particular contestant??? totally out of character for me!! and if i thought i was 'shocked' by my behavior,,,,you should have seen my hubby! he was convinced had i gone completely over the edge!
but i didn't,,,,after months of spending time and $$ on ipods, iphone, itunes.....videos, usernames,,,and posting,,,concerts (with my daughter <3), autographs, pictures and, yes, more utoob.....
i have come to the end of the parade,,,with my family intact (yes, different definition than that of the 1st of the year, but still intact),,,a new found appreciation for the internet (who knew all these cool people/stuff was available?!?!) and for my hubby (especially because of the discovery of the prior).......oh, and one more thing--as a wordnerd?!? huh,,,,who'd have thunk?

anyway,,,,i have decided to give my year of 2008 a soundtrack.....can ya guess the artist, music, lyrics? you guessed it!

but seriously,,when i reflect back over the past year, what i tried to learn about myself, my children, my hubby and all the relationships i have encountered,,,,my mind takes to a memory that 'pops' up first and foremost in my heart and mind,,,,,it was june or july,,,,my husband and i were riding the motorcycle,,,,maybe it was may,,,i'm not sure now, anyway, we were riding through western oklahoma, on the back roads, there were jack rabbits, cattle, horses, birds, no people, no traffic, nothing but the two of us and nature,,,,we were wearing our ipods, just kicking back enjoying the ride and each other....and what song came on (and i swear, there is more than dc on my ipods)......TOML......it was at that point, i realized that though my life was changing,,i was now approaching the chapter in my life that was for that one relationship I CHOSE for myself,,,,i chose that person to spend the rest of my life with.....he's been here all along,,,,he will continue to be there when the others go to find their 'someone',,,,it's 'all good'...to him i am 'more than a name or face in the crowd'.....so the in a weird turn of events,,,,the year started out heartbreaking,,,,turned into a fangirl,,,,and then found my soulmate (again).......how cool is that?

have a great holiday season ya'll!!
may each of you be blessed in '09!!

bridget