Single-Minded: Return of the Kaydeecee
OCTOBER 8, 2008, 9:58 am
(Date: one week post the release of the first official single)
ENORMOUS CRASH OF THUNDER
Big Voice.
K: "My children!!!!!!!!!! I have returned. And what do I find?
Doubt. Heartache. Materialism. A focus on mere numbers, on dirty, sordid . . . sales figures?
People of The Cook!
Whence this sadness of the soul? This tremulous trembling? The quivering lips? This limpness of dick?
Remember the dark nights and the swampy valleys of the past!
On that terrible night when the evil voice of Cowell spake against Cook, and defamed the beauty and bravery that was "The World I Know," and the wheels of the bus passed over the head of David, did you lose hope?"
People: "Noooooo!!!!!"
K: "And when the nonbelievers mocked him, and cast doubt upon the hair, the verbosity, the dubious wardrobe, did you lose faith? "
People: "Nooooooo!!!!!!"
K: "And on the night of the singing of "Innocent," when for the first and last time on The Show, he kind of f*cked the song up and then wrote that sh*t on his hand, did you despair?"
People: (small voice) "A little."
K: "Yes, well . . . Through all this, we remained With Cook. We were with him in his moment of victory. And we were rewarded with the Pants."
People, bowing heads: "Blessed be the sexy Pirate Pants!"
K: "We followed him on his Tewer of Gratitude, through a thousand times a thousand singings of our sacred anthem of Hello. We met the magic rainbow, and did lie down with the rainbow, and saw it rise over the Olympics and the Billboard charts, and Lo! It was good.
And from many distant groves and alleys and dumpsters and condos of the Internet we gathered here, on the Official Website.
Why are we here, my bretheren and . . .sistren (sp?)
Because of the throaty passion of the voice. And the tremendous sense of fun, surprise, anticipation and enjoyment that his singing on the Show of Idolatry brought to us. And the kicking of the asses of the forces of mediocrity with daring song choice and awesome taste and tender performances. And the intriguing poetry and promise we discovered in "Analog Heart." And the sweetness and kindness and humor displayed through it all. Also, there may be some sexual attraction involved, IDK.
But hear me! We are here because in a year of markets that plunge like Chinese divers, and mortgages that grow like kudzu, and politics of hate and doubt that stinketh like week-old lobster, for once, the Best Man Won."
Raises sword.
K : "People of Cook! Harden your Hater-Proof Armor (and anything else you have that, uh, hardens)! Lace up your Pirate Pants! Are you with me?
It's. All. About. The Love.
Light On!"
Footnotes:
* I wish Mr. Cook plenty of money and critical acclaim. But more then that, a lasting, satisfying career making music. And selfishly, I wish that his album in November is completely awesome for my own personal gratification. But we won't know how any of this will play out for a loooong time. They're sales figures for one week, peeps. A week in which he sold more copies of his single then most albums sell in a year. Let us rejoice! Love and hugs, kaydeecee.
**OGFAR, critics! DC FTMFW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--
kaydeecee
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The Compleat Totally Accurate Fan Reports Archive
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Comments for this Blog post
Love It !!!
This one totally cracked me up. I SOOOOO enjoy reading your blog.
yay
Thanks peeps. I mock because I love
--
kaydeecee
Past mischief
Baroness of Snark ~ TWOP Refugees: Ragtag army of clowns and jesters
WOW
Girl, you are absolutely insane, and I flove you for it!! You are genius!
--
If I Must, Then I Must...
Stinkin' funny stuff!
Oh my stars! You are just about the best, funniest thing I've read in ages! You are probably the (distantly) second best thing on this site
No one is going to beat # 1 of course, but you are keeping us entertained for certain.
--
Proud David Cook fan!
~Kathy~
Nice blog!
I really enjoyed reading this, kaydeecee! You're a great writer!
I don't think I've watched the live peformance of Innocent since it aired. Too painful. lol. But ya' know, in a way, I *like* the fact that he had one imperfect performance, because it reminded us that he's still human, he's still going to make mistakes, and that he wasn't just going to run away with the competition.
--
"If I could have a super power, I'd like the ability to...fly...so I can, you know?...soar...with...the birds."
I bow to superior wisdom
I'm admitting it right now ...after reading your analysis and watching the performance again, for the first time in a long time. You're completely right. Also, I should note that I'd never heard that song before that night. I'd never heard any Our Lady Peace before that night, so I had no basis for comparison, but even so I could tell that it certainly didn't go the way it was supposed to.
Another thing I have to thank DC for ...introducing me to Our Lady Peace. Yes, I was living under a musical rock pre-DC
I Remember Feeling Low
Just out of curiosity, I went back and viewed that one performance for the first time since it aired.
Oh. Oh, my. Ouch. That actually hurt to watch again.
See, long before I heard of David, I was a huge Our Lady Peace fan. The sort of one who loved them because they named an album after a Ray Kurzweil book (see Friday, you are so not off with the cult film/graphic novel citations.
I happened to have listened to them a lot at a very sad, very dark place in my life. There may have been a divorce and an empty apartment and a bottle of vodka involved.
So I was amazing excited when I heard he was going to do that song. I knew it would be great for him. I knew it would be something that he loved. And as we know from the lovely, lovely studio version, it *was.* It was a fine song choice.
But the live version? That is the only time, in the entire run of The Show and all the post-show gigs and tour videos, that I ever saw it go like this for him . Something goes wrong right off the first note, he loses the band and the backup singers and they never are quite back in sync, the wandering into the audience doesn't work, the big gestures just seem off. I don't know what was going on for the boy that night, but it was not good.
Watching his face during the judging--oh, bb!--it just looks like he felt he had disappointed himself, you know? Once of the things I love about the guy is that he is never clueless, never indifferent to the world around him. He's not one of those people who walks off the stage afterwards and is like "I was great, wasn't I? Wasn't I?" He took the Simon "pompous" allegation like a man, and maybe it was even a bit true of the performance itself--although I think ambitious would be a fairer word--he tried something big and he fell down that time. But the minute he stopped singing he was right back down to earth, and so vulnerable.
So, maybe this, too, is among the moments when I totally hearted him. But, OMG, I am not going to watch that again till . . . ever.
See, this is why I joke. Without the joking, my armor just goes to pieces.
--
kaydeecee
DCO Slutty Pants ~ Ragtag army of clowns and jesters
More Rickman, than Good Omens
I think I was leaning more Dogma, than Gaiman, but I like him too. I was a little worried that the reference would be too obscure, but it was the first thing that popped into my mind while reading your blog. It's still fantastic, btw, just read it a second time.
On a side note, you know, I never really thought Innocent was that bad...and I liked the jacket.
Luce Sopra!
Buongiorno, kaydeecee! Tu piace la bella Venezia?
That is absolutely f*cking brilliant. I am in tears reading this, I'm laughing so hard.
I, too, doubted at "Innocent." Then I heard the studio version, and doubted no more. Solo tour FTW!
--
"Be yourself. Everybody else is already taken."
Commentry Makes Me Happy
Metatron! Whether via Dogma or Neil Gaiman, or uh, that is the most wonderfully esoteric compliment of all times.
Wheeziev delurking just to have my baby is pretty hot, too, though.
And to you all, big thanks! Comments feed the blogger, yes they do.
--
kaydeecee
DCO Slutty Pants ~ Ragtag army of clowns and jesters
*is dead from amusment*
OK. I'm totally de-lurkifying for this. Point of fact, I don't know if I've ever actually posted on DCO. At any rate, I just had to say this: I want to have your babies because you are such a f*cking brilliant genius type person.
I heart perspective.
That is all.
Behold the Metatron
She speaketh the truth!
Kaydeecee, you rock.
This Is Pretty Awesome
More please!
This is one of the funniest posts I have ever read and seriously made me feel better during a dismal morning. Thanks.
Hilarious!
That post seriously made my evening. I went back and read it out loud in a bad British accent because it's so freaking hilarious. You are my hero.
Light On!
MAGNIFICENT!!!
As somebody said in Twop Thread.... how did we survive this week without your snark and humor. No idea!!!
I love your style of writing, and I agree with Arwen, you should have your own blog outside of DCO.
You´re great!!!
P.S. "The Best Man Won."... enough said
EXCELLENT.......
your blog is making it's way across the various websites. LMAO. You need to post a blog on the internet, not just here. Cause it's too good not to share. You may be competing with "Bitten" for the funniest DC blogs ever.
Welcome back!
Y'alls Rock!
That is what I have to say.
Luce sopra!
--
kaydeecee
DCO Slutty Pants ~ Ragtag army of clowns and jesters
Textual smiley.
Glad you're back. Never leave the country again without stockpiling several posts and arranging for a trusted deputy to parcel them out every day or two, okay? Thanks.
Bwah.
Also, there may be some sexual attraction involved, IDK.
You make me smile lots.
If the trip was half as delightful as this post, then you must have had a time and a half over there.
Wild Thing
You make my heart sing. You make everything groooovy!
For some reason that song comes to mind whenever I think of you. You were missed my dear. Welcome back, and again your offering is genius!
--
All hail Queen/King of the Slutty Pants Thread!! Who will it be?
Preach on Sister!
Thanks for the levity. And the snark. Especially the snark. kaydeecee, you rock!
No worries from my camp either.
--
cinmc on TWOP, GSCookie everywhere else WN# 1349
http://www.cookedforcharity.com/
Absolutely the Best
I truly do hope David has found your posts. They would make his day.
What SB? You aren't willing to spread your wings and protect the "fanbase".? Fer shame, fer shame. Now I have to go take a cold shower after the mention of the rod and the staff.
. . .
Mancrusher and the Shadow ofDoubt
I shall fear no charts for David art with me. His rod / His staff they ...
Cackle cackle spit!
My primary hope is that he finds happiness and fulfillment in what he does!.
High five at you, SB
--
kaydeecee
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of doubt...
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of doubt,
I shall fear no charts for David art with me. His rod / His staff they ...
Um I'll stop there being a male fan! Suffice to say I am not worried about David's success. My primary hope is that he finds happiness and fulfillment in what he does!
-SB
P.S. - kaydeecee, you have a brilliant way of expressing yourself.