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The Six Worst Ways to Handle Criticism of David Cook

OK, my title is a bit of a fib. This essay is really more

"The Six Worst Ways to Handle Criticism of Your Favorite Singer (or Other Favorite Anything). Plus, Six Hot Ways to Turn Criticism Into Opportunity!"

But since David released his single this week, and this site is my current favorite fandom, I had this theme in my thoughts.

Amidst plenty of love and excitement about our awesome hero, I already glimpsed some first negative review,s and some fans reacting, well, badly.

I work in website development and online marketing, and it always hurts my heart to see people who are passionate fans of a singer, a show, a writer or an actor react to criticism of their favorite in ways that make the situation worse.

So often, our response as fans to seeing our passion dissed is completely counterproductive to building the world we'd like to see--one where as many people as possible share our love, respect, and appreciation for a particular artist or creation.

So, without further ado, some unsolicited advice on how to respond effectively and creatively to criticism of Your Favorite Thing, avoiding heartache and bad karma, and possibly winning new fans in the very face of opposing opinion.

Don't Do These Things When You Encounter Criticism of Your Favorite Thing

(Hereafter, "Your Favorite Thing" will be abbreviated YFT)

1 Don't use outright insults. I'm astonished how often I see fans call a critic "moron, jerk, b****, slimy, sleazy," and so on. Not only did you not influence the writer whose criticism got your goat, now you've alienated all the readers of that site who don't already love YFT. In other words, you've turned off other potential fans, instead of using the opportunity to win new eyeballs or ears.

2 Tell the writer he will be fired for offending the fans of YFT (he won't) or threaten to cancel your subscription (if you're that easily offended, chances are you don't really have a subscription to a diverse publication like Rolling Stone, EW, etc. and they know it). If it's a website: uh, you're reading for free anyway. You gonna take your hunk of free and go home?

3 Justify your love of YFT in completely transcendent terms: "utterly perfect, beautiful, pure of heart, angelic, touched you in your heart, spoke to your soul, beyond words." Experiences of deep inner meaning are wonderful, and they can indeed emerge from mundane creations like a favorite singer or writer. But the problem is that these are *deeply personal feelings.*

You can't cause someone else to experience them by insisting on how true they are *for you.* And claiming that anyone who disagrees with you is a heathen who's sullying something good and pure and sweet is doing nothing to bridge that gap.

Perhaps the best thing you can do for an artist or work you find deeply inspiring is share the news about their work (see below), and that won't happen if you alienate everyone reading your comment.

4 Borrow from the worst habits of the political world. Some of these are trivial but annoying: using stupid insults based on the writer's name (McDonald becomes McDouchey or whatever), accusing critics of being "jealous," accusing critics of "just trying to get hits" (duh, that's their job). Claiming that anyone who dislikes what you like "just doesn't get it," "fails to understand," is "ignorant" and so on.

Repeating your talking points over and over--"It's going to be so huge! Everyone else loves it" --in the face of people who don't like something is also ineffective, no matter how often you see it done on cable TV. Wishing doesn't make it so.

None of these bad habits is remotely convincing to others,and at the same time, they reduce your own credibility, which you're trying to build (see below). When a community of fans does this en masse, and becomes notorious for fits of hysteria every time their favorite is mocked (or even discussed with less than perfect praise), it actually *discredits* the poor artist. Fan swarms and piling on--those furious, badly-spelled outpourings popping up in dozens and dozens after a negative review--drive away other potential fans who don't want to be associated with such zealotry. It's a huge disservice to the very thing you love.

Also not cool? Stating that "real Americans" or "real fans of x" all like, or all hate, some particular thing (country music/Mel Gibson/Transformers/vampire teen romances, what have you)

They don't.

Know how I know? Because the US is a vast, multifarious and contradictory culture. There are devoted audiences for every flavor of creative work, good and bad. Other people's failure to share your taste is a big part of reality.

5 Strike back with overly-defensive responses to other commenters. In addition to people freaking out over the television columnist, music critic, or movie reviewer who didn't like Your Favorite Thing, the next worst habit of fans is attacking other people commenting on the same blog or discussion board.

I'm not saying you have to sit there silent. I love a good debate myself. Too much, maybe. But when you disagree, aim to do so politely. Try to list the good points of the thing you love, rather than just attack the skeptic, without trying to invalidate what they feel.

Handy phrases include: "Well, you certainly feel strongly, but to me . . ." "Whoa, you really didn't enjoy X. I had the opposite reaction, I loved it because . . ." and my favorite: "I'd like to politely disagree . . ." (it's direct).

Probably the worse unintentional attack is simply assuming the motive of the speaker you disagree with ("you must dislike this because you feel like x"). We all do it, but if we can stick to responding to the critic's actual words, and not what we assume about them, we're less likely to cause unintended bad feeling. Also handy for making a good impression? Moving on. Go back and forth no more than a few times--don't jam up the discussion by arguing the same points over and over.

Why bother with all this? Even if the other commenter's a Grade-A jerk. Because each discussion is a change to leave an impression about YFT, favorable or otherwise, on the invisible eyeballs of *other* audience members.

6 Trolling/fanwars. One of the most bizarre and counterproductive behaviors of internet fandom is people's habit of trying to rain on other folks' parade. If your favorite artist/show/author is zooming up the charts or glomming the critics awards--or more likely, experiencing modest success, celebrate where appropriate--but don't jump into people's conversations about some other artist's work to dis them and praise your guy. It's dislikable and petty, and again, merely contributes to the idea that fans of YFT are douchey.

The passive-aggressive variation of outright attacking your online peers is to claim that their disagreement is making *you* the victim, generally by randomly accuse community members of "hate." You know what's a fair accusation of hate? That would be when someone writes "OMG I hate hate hate the Jonas Brothers."

On the other hand, if people are using civil tones of discussion-- "Yeah, I don't dig it, it's not for me, I find it a turn-off, I couldn't finish it, it's too much like Daughtry [in-joke ]" --then jumping into the back and forth to accuse everyone of being "haters" who harbor a secret agenda against your fave and all decent people, puppies, and orphans is a great way to swing things your way. Not. It's another popular tool in the world of politics that mostly serves as an excellent way to turn people who don't dig YFT against it permanently

Six Handy Ways to Turn Criticism of Your Fave into Opportunity

When you read a negative review or comment of an artist or creation you love, instead of letting your blood boil, why not view it as a chance to change someone's mind? If not the critic's, then the minds of other readers of that web site. Here's a few tactics to try.

1 Provide other readers with the opportunity to check it for themselves. Courteously, of course.

Example: "Hey man, I'm sorry you feel that way. I have to admit, I love (YFT). If any of the rest of you haven't had a chance to (listen/watch it/read it), you might want to check out (link). If you don't like this [episode/cut/volume], have you seen this (link)?

2 Give some good context or examples that might cause other readers to give YFT a chance who haven't yet.

Example: "Some of the bands My Favorite Singer has mentioned admiring are Foo Fighters, Muse, and Switchfoot. And he's done some writing with the singers from Soundgarden, Our Lady Peace, and Collective Soul. His producer's the guy who worked with Green Day and My Chemical Romance. If you liked any of those, you might try this."

3 Share a little of your own self or story and what makes you kind of a neat fan to have. This is the opposite tack from the ad hominem attack where you bash someone for who they are--get them interested in who you are.

Tell 'em about why you love YFT even though: you're really old, you're really young, you're from overseas, you're from right next door, you played it at your wedding, you read it to your boss, you drunk dialed your ex and sang her the song, you're a scientist, you're a mom, etc.

We all know that preconceptions and narrow-mindedness can unfairly limit an artist's audience, but people rarely respond well to being called narrow-minded directly. Positive storytelling is a lot more effective in getting people to identify with you and overcoming stereotypes about "who likes what" than attacks.

4 Be as entertaining and positive as you can manage. Take the high road. Thank others for writing about YFT and for taking part in the discussion, even when you disagree. *Especially* when you disagree. If you're the lone voice from your corner, laugh about it. If you can defend your favorite by being funny, whether through self-mockery or just general clowning around, you can get your defense out there and still leave a good taste in everyone's mouth. It's often memorable, as well. Expressing yourself while being cool about it might slooooowly chip away at your critic's resistance, too.

5 Creativity trumps destruction. If you feel not enough people get how awesome YFT is, start your own blog, find a site about their field and write a review, or even just goof around and make a mixtape, fanvid, LOLpic, Top Ten list , tribute cake, CafePress t-shirt, cunning knitted hat . . . whatever. Tributes that come out of affection and enjoyment are the heart of fandom, whether or not they ever bring around a single other person to your fave. But, as a matter of fact, they often help expand the community of fans. People like cake (even critics).

6 Don't take it personally if you can't change people's minds (in the coaching work I've done, this is followed by: it's not about you, it's not about you, it's not about you). People all have their own stories and their own reasons for their tastes. Their opinion is their opinion. Their opinion is not coming to your house to steal your dinner.

If you're really down, or really angry, and you need to vent, it's obviously better to find a safe space to share that--you may well have your own fandom place where you are really in sync with everyone. When mad, heigh on over to your safe space. Those places are awesome. Way better to grumble there then on a site where people aren't into you. Everybody has their breaking or boiling point.

In summary, criticism of stuff you love--and people you admire--stings. It BURNS, sometimes. But don't let your affection for something turn to bitterness against others who won't play. If you can jijitsu the adverse viewpoints you encounter into a chance to spread the news about a great artist or creation, you're helping build a better space for what you love.

And it's about love, after all.

xoxoxoxo kaydeecee
http://www.davidcookofficial.com/user/kaydeecee

ETA: This Post is now also a Forum topic.

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